Not Quite Genius
by pennameisblank
Summary: Kakashi Hatake, ex-ANBU captain demoted to Jounin instructor, is reunited with his former charge after an escapade from the Academy. Kakashi learns that there is more to the blonde boy than anyone ever realized-even the Hokage. That the boy was amusing is an added point, so why would he take a Genin team if he can spend his days analyzing the enigma that is Uzumaki Naruto?
1. Chapter 1: The Meeting, or Whatever

**Not Quite Genius **Chapter 1: The Meeting, or Whatever

**Generic disclaimer applies from this chapter forth. No historical monument was harmed in the fantasization of this chapter. And yes, I am aware that it is not a word. As it is, do know that we, authors, have the privilege to make up a word to fit the rhyme, or the syllable count, or the verse, to our hearts' content. So, erm, yeah.**

**Warning(s):** Un-beta'ed. Any grammatical errors are my own. You have been warned. Be my Beta~!

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Hatake Kakashi was nothing if not the pinnacle of an excellent shinobi. He possessed a calm head in battle (which, somehow, led to him being _demoted _to a Jounin instructor—_that_ was a new kind of logic), good enough chakra control, considerably larger than normal chakra reserves, ANBU training (which involved a hell lot more things than most people know), good taijutsu (as a certain caterpillar-brows pushed him to), good genjutsu (with the Sharingan his friend left him), and a ninjutsu repertoire that could put a library to shame. He was the famed Sharingan no Kakashi… the only non-Uchiha wielding the Sharingan, and lived up to the legends of said dojutsu.

Now he was not so sure, he thought as he stared into the face of a seemingly innocent eight years old boy in front of him.

"You must be Inu-taichou~!" The boy sing-songed, pointing his index finger at him. Kakashi grimaced—some ANBU he was. He remembered the boy when he was barely four years old, a freaking four years old who was the villager's hatred outlet. A freaking four years old who had seen more dark side of the world than any other children was ever allowed to see.

And here he was smiling, staring up at him. Innocently.

Kakashi forced an eye-smile (and it took unbelievably hard effort to forcefully crinkle his eyes the way he usually quite sincerely eye-smiled) and waved lazily. "So you remember me, huh?"

The boy snorted indignantly. "Puh please. Even when you were wearing that dog mask, I could always see that little orange book in your pocket. No one else had the galls to bring out that porn in public." His face soured. "You made me eat all those icky vegetables… Watch it, Inu. Once I get my technique down, you will be sorry you have ever stepped in my apartment. Vengeance is best served with cold blood."

Kakashi perked up slightly. "Just for your information, that was the mission Hokage-sama assigned me. And what kind of technique are you working on?"

The boy glowered—which ultimately made him look double the cute, as he was a tiny eight-year-old boy with bright blue eyes… Kakashi had the weirdest feeling that he had seen those eyes somewhere, on a different person… he brushed the feeling off. The boy pointed a hand accusingly, swinging up the fence with a feline grace that spoke of his surprising agility. "I doubt your mission included forcing pureed spinach to me!" He shrieked indignantly, a leg swinging and catching Kakashi off guard in the shins. The Jounin winced.

"Now, now, Naruto-kun, the Hokage did say that I was supposed to monitor your diet… most of it if I can anyway."

The boy huffed angrily. "And it has to be pureed spinach."

"… Okay, that was my fault," Kakashi conceded, feeling somewhat amused by the banter they shared. "But I had no idea what kids eat!" He himself had been raised in the ways of war; he ate rations ever since he could remember. Then again, _he_ had been made Chuunin at the tender age of seven, so really it shouldn't come as a surprise to him that he didn't know what kids nowadays eat. He supposed war did that to people.

Silence. Kakashi had expected the boy to blow up on him, but instead he was looking at the ground, his feet swinging back and forth in a constant rhythm. His long blonde bangs hid his eyes, but Kakashi could see his lips pulled into a tight line.

"I don't know either," the boy admitted softly. "For all I know, they could be eating pureed spinach for snacks. But if it is, I sure as hell am not going to follow the trend."

Kakashi fought down the urge to throw up at the mental image. "Nah, Naruto-kun, I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually." As weird as it is for him to be comforting an eight-years-old boy about his knowledge of children's snacks, of all things, he did not like the stretched silence their conversation left just then. It did not fit the image of the blond Jinchuuriki in the village, at all, and it unsettled him. Was this a side of the boy that was left to the dark?

"Oh yeah, Inu," the boy turned back to him, a foxy grin in place. "Why did you come here in the first place? I thought no one knew of this place. This is, sorta, my private place, until you came that is."

They were in the middle of a glade, surrounding one of the unnamed small lakes—more like ponds, really, that were scattered here and there in the forest surrounding Konoha. At some point, it was the work of a mason (thus the solid stone fence) but for some reason or another, it was left to nature. And nature certainly did its work. The stone building was left to rubbles, except the fence. Bushes and shrubs of berries grew out of stoned floors, vines crawling across weathered walls, and overall the ruins had become one with the forest.

"You know, you shouldn't leave the village without permission," Kakashi admonished, evading the question not so smoothly. The boy gave him an incredulous stare.

"As far as technicality is concerned, I'm a civilian, and last time I checked, civilians are free to leave Konoha. I should be asking _you_, Inu-taichou," the boy quipped happily. Kakashi hid his shock at the reply.

It seemed like the boy was quite well versed with the laws of Konohagakure, and knew how to twist them to his side. Kakashi considered filing it under 'Another Thing to Look Up About Uzumaki' or 'Secrets of Uzumaki Naruto'—which, more or less, covered the same thing. He still did not know if the boy only acted stupid in front of ignorant villagers, or if it was simply because no one had ever regarded him seriously before, as Kakashi had. Either way, Kakashi had his mission, and he was going to finish it.

"Listen here, Naruto-kun," Kakashi said, adding a bit of Killing Intent for good measure. What further surprised him was that the boy gave him The Look.

"Quit trying to intimidate me, Inu," Naruto chided gently, hands slipping to rest behind the nape of his neck. "You'd think that after guarding me all those times, I'd grown rather… immune… to them."

Kakashi quieted. "Well, let's just beat the bushes, cut the chase, or roast the cat (1), shall we? The Hokage sent me to find you because the ANBU team assigned to watch you lost you, and they couldn't pinpoint your location, and he was starting to freak—I mean, you made everyone else worried."

The boy sighed, knowing full well it was only the Hokage, and jumped down to lay on his back on the grasses, staring up at the sky. "Can't I just stay here for a moment? I rarely succeed diverting _that_ team's attention from me—they are way better than the last one—and… I don't know… I just wanted a break from it all."

Kakashi eye-smiled at this. It was a feeling he understood very well, so he let the notion that the boy had _purposefully_ created a diversion for the ANBU team watching him slide. The boy was known to prank sometimes—and Kakashi had quite enjoyed the ruckus he had created—so it really, once again, shouldn't surprise him that the ANBU was fooled. Even if said boy was just an Academy student and one that likes to skip classes to boot.

"You know, I did say I'm going to bring you back, but I didn't say when," Kakashi stated with a rather self-satisfied tone. The boy stared at him incredulously, and then his eyes brightened as warmth flooded their sky-blue depths. The boy zipped forward and promptly glomped him, forcing the air out of his lungs.

"Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you-thank-you—"

"Cut—cut it out and enjoy while you can," Kakashi untangled the boy from himself with little difficulty, the corner of his visible eye crinkled with smile. "I don't really feel like handing you back to the village right now. I'd just say you're better than I thought, if anyone asked."

The boy laughed breathlessly, still catching his breath from his barrage of gratitude. "For that, I might consider not pranking you for forcing pureed spinach on me when I was little," he said jovially, patting the grass next to him. Kakashi took up on his offer; settling down beside the boy and flipping open a familiar orange book.

"Naru-chan, you wound me," Kakashi said teasingly. "Is that any way to treat the one who took care of you?" He wasn't technically taking care of him, per se (the boy lived alone, which didn't surprise him—he'd lived alone, too, since his father died), but… that's as close as he'd get.

"No you're not," came the flippant reply. "And don't call me Naru-chan. I'm not a little boy anymore."

Kakashi looked up from his dog-eared book. It was the latest release of Icha Icha Tactics series, released for the market a few months back. He had read it countless of times, but he still hadn't grown tired of it. He had to make do until Jiraiya-sama finished his research and blessed the male population with another release of the best-selling Icha-Icha Tactics. He was hoping it'd be sooner than later; the Sandaime's efforts to push him into taking a Genin team was beginning to tire him. And he needed amusement. Badly.

"Let's see, then," Kakashi closed it (he could recite nearly every single line, anyway), "how old are you, Naruto?"

"I'm already eight," Naruto spat out victoriously. "Take that, Inu, I'm old enough to take care of myself."

Kakashi gave him a deadpan expression. "And I'm twenty four, and a Jounin. Therefore, you're Naru-chan." The boy pouted cutely at this and rolled his back to Kakashi., resolutely refusing to face him. "Seriously, Naru-chan, I knew you're able to take care of yourself," Kakashi said, placating the boy.

Immediately the boy rolled back to face him, a bright grin in place. "So what are you doing nowadays, now that you're not guarding me? Demoted to Jounin?"

Crap. The boy had unknowingly nailed a sensitive spot, and Kakashi forced his expression to remain neutral. It was the truth, after all, and one that people closer to him would notice—and the boy had been seeing him for years (get your mind out of the gutter, people, he was only giving the boy a chance for normal human interaction. Innocently), before he was demoted. And he _had_ liked working in the ANBU, no matter how risky their missions are. At least he was working with real shinobi who lived a real shinobi life, not training shinobi-wannabes who doesn't know jack shit about it. "And how would you know that, eh?"

"You used to be ANBU, Inu, one who was in Sandaime-Jiji's inner circle," the boy stated as-a-matter-of-factly. Kakashi nodded at that—only the most trusted ANBUs were given the task to watch over their village's notoriously stealthy Jinchuuriki, and Kakashi had been, and still was, quite adept at finding Naruto when he had successfully distracted other ANBUs trailing him. "Now you're wearing that Jounin vest, and taking whatnot missions. Do you think I'm stupid?"

Kakashi gave him a deadpan expression. "You seem bent on making the villagers think you're stupid," he returned, inwardly grinning when he had successfully steered the conversation to his favor. "Why do that, eh?"

The boy's expression blanked. "It's safer when they think I'm not a threat, Inu," he said softly, playing with the hem of his black shirt. "So it's like… my defense mechanism. Like how you read that porn in public and came late to meetings, even if Sandaime-Jiji himself called you."

Kakashi knew it shouldn't surprise him anymore, but, really… was he really _that_ famous?

The boy's grin returned at his expression. "And yes, Inu, your reputation far precedes you. Other Jounin in the Jounin lounge, the Chuunin guarding the gates, the merchants—particularly the bookstore owner—always have something to say about you."

Kakashi groaned. "Whatever you think of me, I'm not that low."

"Now what makes you think they all thought of you that lowly behind your backs?"

Kakashi stared, wide-eyed, at the question. "You mean, I still have some semblance of good reputation out there?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head and gave a sheepish smile, and Kakashi, once again, was hit with a déjà vu feeling that he'd seen someone else… someone in the past… did that involuntary action. "Eh heh, actually, there were some positive aspects, like… you could be counted on to appear first in line when the latest Icha-Icha is released, in the queue in front of the book store. And you could be counted on to pay your respects to shinobi who died on duty, as you like to spend hours talking to the Memorial Stone…"

Kakashi did a mental rolling on the floor while hitting the ground with his fists and crying rivers. Did _no one _think of him nicely nowadays? Even Asuma, Gai… what the hell are they, backstabbers?

"I rather think that they meant it as a joke, Inu," Naruto patted his knee consolingly. His efforts to comfort the older man was for naught, as Kakashi felt utterly miserable to have to be comforted by the most unlucky person he'd ever known—the Jinchuuriki of Kyuubi no Yoko. Thus he must be worse off, and it was depressing to think about being less fortunate than a human sacrifice. What could be worse than _that_?

"Hn," Kakashi grunted a noncommittal sound.

Naruto stared at him. "Inu."

"What?"

"Does your implanted Sharingan hinder your vocabulary, because last time I looked, only Uchihas gave that single-syllable response? Oh, that was an interesting subject—maybe the chakra originally channeled to voice box was redirected to the ocular nerves—"

Kakashi couldn't help it. He laughed out loud.

"Naru-chan," he eye-smiled, "thanks for your concern, really, but… your concern is misplaced."

The blonde boy then shrugged, before getting up and dusting the dirt from his shirt. "Let's head back. I think it's enough for now…" he grinned. "I could always invent another diversion. Besides, Academy ends just about… now."

Kakashi glanced at the position of the sun—and the boy was right.

"Of course, if that's what you wish. About time I reported in anyway."

It was only when they had parted ways did Kakashi realize that Naruto had never answered what technique he has yet to perfect in order to prank, or "exact his vengeance", on Kakashi.

Another thing to look up about Uzumaki Naruto.

* * *

**A.N.: **And Ta~da~ I'm done. First, thanks for reading. Second, thanks again if you're kind enough to leave a review, because I don't have any idea where this story leads :P so your input will be appreciated very very much. If you'd like to see something happen (and particularly interesting), don't hesitate to tell me. Flames will be used to make bonfire, with which I shall burn your sorry ass. Right. Tell me what you think, and point out my mistakes... I might miss some of those.

(1) Reference to Chapter two. Just have to read it, don't cha?


	2. Chapter 2: Kakashi's Day, More or Less

Not Quite Genius Chapter 2: Kakashi's Day, More or Less

**Warning (s): **Unbetaed. Suggestion of animal abuse. Mention of OCs, though only just that. A mention. And, Anko might be a little OOC, because she doesn't swear nearly as much, but I'm keeping the rating K+, okay?

**A.N. : **So, yeah. First I want to thank one of my reviewers (**Kitsune-hime92**) for enlightening me of Kakashi's age in canon. I truly had no idea he was younger than I thought :p (my estimation was that Kurenai was thirteen-something when Kyuubi attacked, and Kakashi looked older than Kurenai, so there) but his age hardly matters in this story. Thus, you're fine to think him 24 years old (as I have stated) or 22 years old (according to canon timeline). And, people, I decided that there will be no massacre. I am so tired of angsting—I get enough of it at school. Yes, again, it's not a word. Anyway, onwards with the story—

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_(The morning before)_

Kakashi knew he'd had it coming.

He was woken up (and quite rudely, if he might add) when the sun has yet to shine by a Chuunin—one of the officers running Hokage Tower. Furthermore, when he had, instinctively, flicked a kunai the Chuunin's way, his back made its protest known by giving the loudest cracking sound he'd ever heard. _And_ the Chuunin had deflected his kunai with a swipe of kunai. Not that he'd wish the random Chuunin harm, of course. Fellow shinobi of the Leaf, and all that. Screw ANBU training.

It was embarrassing to say the least—the legendary Kakashi Hatake, with low back pains and habits readable by a random Chuunin. People will start to talk, and he shuddered to think of what his reputation is rapidly becoming to be. He chalked it up as a bad back day (although he didn't even know he had it in the first place) and followed the Chuunin towards the Hokage Tower, instinctively (again) flipping open his Icha-Icha Tactics to a familiar monologue where Aya—

And then they arrived at the Hokage's office, and Kakashi was forced to duck and save his precious Icha-Icha from a raving mad snake woman with psychotic tendencies, who was launching a hail of kunais from god knows where the moment she laid eyes on his Icha-Icha.

"Hokage-sama, if you're planning on having me in the same room with this perverted lazy ass," Anko's face was nothing short of murderous, "then do explain why."

Kakashi looked up just in time to see the desperation in Sandaime Hokage's face. "Anko-chan, I'd send any ANBU you want, but the truth remains that—short of me, the people who could track _him_ down can be counted in one hand—Kakashi being one of them. You know it—you were in his team when _he_ was six."

"I don't suppose I'm one of them," Anko scoffed. "Why you are keeping him on such a tight leash, I wonder… especially when he can easily slip away, and you're pushed to send your best men just to find him."

The Sandaime did his best not to glower at his unruly subordinate. "It's around this time of the year, Anko-chan. It doesn't do well for him to continuously escape exams. Hell, other kids are looking forward to doing the exams!" Okay, not the exams exactly. They all want to graduate and be itty bitty little shinobi... he was rambling.

"What, not wanting to get bullied in exams is highly normal in my dictionary," Anko childishly stuck up her nose.

Kakashi coughed into his fist. "_Your_ dictionary of normal is highly questionable."

"What, Kakashi?" Anko somehow slipped a kunai into her palms without either men noticing, suggestively running it across her crotch. Kakashi gulped. "Nothing, of course, Anko-chan. I was just complimenting your fine logic," he offered hesitantly.

"You better be, Cyclops," Anko flicked the kunai back into the pouch attached to her hip. "Anyway, Hokage-sama, I'm off to torture some of our… fresher… goods," she licked her lips. "I can assure you however that our cute little Naru-chan is not in my forest. Other than that, I don't know. Ja ne!" She jumped out of the window, skipping atop the roofs.

Kakashi wasn't sure if he imagined the revered Kami no Shinobi mumbling about "psychotic women" and "dangerous pointy objects". He settled it as his sleepiness not fully leaving him yet, and yawned comically.

"Ah, sorry, Kakashi-kun," the Kami no Shinobi apologized with a bland tone, obviously not amused by his antics. "Anyway, the Genin hopefuls this year—"

"Hokage-sama, I thought we already talked about this."

"Well, Noriko-san hasn't accepted yet, so—"

"So Noriko can have a Genin team for herself," Kakashi finished quickly, sparing a glance at his village leader before whipping out his Icha-Icha Tactics.

The Hokage's eyes narrowed at this, before he sighed in reluctant acceptance. Getting Kakashi's nose out of his Icha-Icha takes a dangerous S-Rank mission (and a psychotic, homicidal woman capable of castrating him, _painfully_, but neither of them was willing to acknowledge it), one the Sandaime was not about to give to one of his Elite Jounin that he has other plans for.

"Very well then, I see that I can't sway your convictions," the Hokage said sweetly, fully aware that the Jounin in front of him was dripping with cold sweat at his cooing. "So rather than having a Genin team, I suppose you don't mind substituting Tokushi-san for two days? His Genin team usually starts the day by training, so you have…" the Sandaime glanced at the clock hung on the plain white wall, "about two hours before they start their training regime."

Kakashi was suspicious. The Sandaime obviously has something else prepared for him, because simply overseeing a bunch of Genins working out is not, by any chance, an adequate punishment for refusing to take his own Genin team. Or maybe it was the Sandaime's twisted attempt to make him see the joys of teaching youth… he shuddered. _He did not just imagine Gai. He did not just imagine Gai. He did not just imagine Gai… He did not… He did… Crap._

Unbidden, an image of a horribly… sparkly… Jounin in equally horrible green, stretchy spandex suit came to his mind, flashing a perfect set of pearly white teeth, all the while posing a… _youthfully_… nice guy pose.

He shuddered again.

"Kakashi-kun," the Sandaime continued on mercilessly, inwardly doing a merry dance seeing his Jounin's inner turmoil—this is way more fun than he'd had in _months_, "you're also expected to take them in their D-Rank missions as long as Tokushi-san is out—"

"Can't I just replace Toku-Tokusa or whatever for his mission?" Kakashi asked hopefully. It was unlikely that the Sandaime would let him off the hook, but it was worth the try… right…?

The Sandaime chuckled quietly (_evilly, _Kakashi thought to himself) at Kakashi's plead. "I'm afraid it's not possible, Kakashi-kun," the wizened old shinobi said warmly, belying the twinkle of evil amusement in his steel grey eyes. "Tokushi-san was sent yesterday—it is impartial that he continued on without hindrance." Meaning, the Genins were probably still not good enough to accompany Jounin Tokushi. Kakashi bemoaned his luck.

He knew he should've expected this, but forcing him to do D-Rank chores around the village with bumbling Genins was a hit below the belt. For him, anyway. They were not missions—they were a torture method disguised as helping ignorant civilians, one that could make the infamous Sharingan no Kakashi scream, _cry_ in agony.

Inwardly, of course.

"Oh, and, Kakashi-kun," the Sandaime was thoroughly enjoying this, a bit too much maybe, but he's had a hard week with what the exams, the escapades, and everything… his cranium throbbed. If he has to torture one of his Elite Jounins in order to get some laugh, so be it. Kakashi knew he's had it coming, anyway. "Considering your old Genin team still held the record for capturing Tora-chan, I'll be putting that mission for _your_ Genin team today. Madam Shijimi has missed her beloved cat dearly. I trust you, with your _fabulous_ leadership skills, can guide a team of Genin for the hunt?"

That's it. It took all of Sarutobi Hiruzen's self-restraint not to break into guffaws at Kakashi's face.

"And I'll want you in the office later—before noon. I have a mission for you. Dis—"

Kakashi dismissed himself, exploding in a dramatic flutter of leaves. When the man was nowhere in sight, Sarutobi Hiruzen, Kami no Shinobi, Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato, broke into peals of laughter.

The ANBUs hidden in the shadows of the room twitched a muscle with a singularly coordinated 'serves you right' looks. Of course, it didn't really matter when no one could see their faces, but the whole squad could practically sense the glee rolling off each other's body.

For all Kakashi's bullying when they were mere ANBU recruits, seeing the copy-nin's face like _that_ was certainly a welcomed distraction from guarding the office.

"Oh, you guys, it's fine to laugh once in a while," Sarutobi said, waving his hand around the room, signifying the ANBUs stationed inside. "Besides, no one's here at the moment."

Immediately, a chorus of laughter broke out. The captain of the squad, a bird-masked ANBU, wheezed and clutched his stomach in pain. "Hokage-sama," the man addressed his leader respectfully, hands still comforting his constricted stomach, "permission to speak freely?"

"Granted."

"_That_ was awesome," the man cheerfully grinned behind his mask. No matter, though, everyone else could practically hear the smile, or rather, smirk, on his face. "No offense, Hokage-sama, you should do it more often."

Sarutobi smiled indulgently. "Of course. I regret not taking this course earlier—it'd help me unwind greatly…" he chuckled. "Tori, warn my secretary that I don't want anyone coming in for the next half an hour. This calls for a celebration!"

So, for the next half an hour, there were chuckles and snickers and outright laughter inside the Hokage's office, and the poor secretary was, once again, out to face the commoner's wrath. Fortunately for her, no important meeting was scheduled during the 30 minutes requested, and so she was spared from the fury of Hi no Kuni's higher-ranking official who has been denied entry… simply because the Hokage wanted to have some private time.

Not that such a thing has happened before, of course.

When the first guest came in the office, it strangely stank of sake, though the guest swore on his life that the Hokage didn't look the slightest bit drunk. Everyone resolutely ignored the occasional muffled hiccups rising from invisible bodies in the room, and quickly finished their business with the Hokage. Which pleases said Hokage greatly, as none of Konoha's clients are acting like they always do: whiny, immature, selfish and overall like a spoiled little brat.

"Today is such a good day," the Kami no Shinobi sighed pleasantly, moving aside the paperwork he was supposed to be wrestling with today. There was a knock, and then a trio of nondescript Genin came in, ushered in by the one and only Kakashi Hatake, who had a suspicious red blotch on his Jounin vest (1).

"Hokage-sama," the Elite Jounin nearly growled. "Team Tokushi, Mission Catching Tora successful."

And true enough, nestled in one of the Genins' arms is Tora, purring deeply in sleep. Sarutobi restrained the urge to laugh. "Very well, Kakashi. I trust you're still fit to go on your next mission..."

Kakashi ushered the Genin out, and they all did after giving the evil eyes in his direction, or more importantly at the cat squeezed to Madam Shijimi's bosom. One of them even started the first handseals for a Katon jutsu before Kakashi slapped his wrist in warning. The man hadn't even lifted his eyes off the offendingly (Yes, it's not a word. Shut it.) orange book, though the Sandaime noticed that sometimes the Jounin's stormy grey eyes flickered dangerously to the cat as Madam Shijimi cooed and patted it in an extravagant manner.

Sarutobi observed him carefully with a mixture of amusement and pity, as he usually did with every team going back from missions (and particularly silly ones). He knew catching Tora was a life hazard, but unfortunately it only ranked a D. That, and it was actually quite... satisfactory... to see the usually composed Jounin flustered, usually cocky fresh Genins pink with rage and exhaustion...

Except Kakashi wasn't exactly flustered, and the Genins were doubly worse off than usual. Either they're simply less capable, for a lack of better word, or Kakashi just told them to work on their teamwork by chasing the demon cat twenty times around Konoha.

"So what is it Hokage-sama?"

"You understand that today is the Academy's Examination day?"

Kakashi suppressed the urge to sigh. "Yes," he drawled lazily, not bothering to look up from his current page. "I seem to have seen so many 'I'm gonna kick ass even though I'm totally green' faces today... what a drag. Not even Genin yet."

"Well, this morning Naruto-kun was found missing from his apartment, and his teachers were concerned." There was a certain guarded blankness in the Hokage's eyes, and Kakashi glanced up. No, it was not the teachers-it was only the old Hokage, mother-henning everyone in the village though he'd long since lost the strength to do so. More so when it concerns the Jinchuuriki of Kyuubi no Yoko.

"You want me to find him." Kakashi didn't bother phrasing it into a question. Inwardly, he was torn between laughing and grimacing because he knew the kid was kept on constant 24/7 watch under a full ANBU team... He didn't know if it spoke of a genius child, or simply idiot ANBU personnel, but there was no other conclusion. Preferably the former, though it's not really possible, considering the Jinchuuriki's reputation.

"Yes. It'll be equal to a B-Rank mission, but I can't authorize papers to search for a civilian child" here Kakashi snorted "so it's off-record. It pays, but you can't say you're on mission."

"Never said that," Kakashi drawled. He gave a mock bow before turning to exit the office. "Oh, and, Hokage-sama... you might want to reevaluate your academy-or I'll never take a team."

Implying that either the Academy's system was flawed, or teachers biased, or curriculum out-of-date, or was it the input from the civilians? They do have the tendency to be extremely annoying... but at least they're harmless. Physically. They could still cripple Konoha with economic blow, though Sarutobi is certain mission payments were enough in the first place for a shinobi's bare necessities... but not for civilians.

_They_ didn't have to survive on ration bars. Sarutobi shook his head; he was being senile. And irritable. He shouted for his secretary to lock him up for another half an hour.

Who gives a damn about those whiny civilians?

* * *

Kakashi is now, officially, the laughing stock for Konoha's uppermost echelon, which consists of the one and only Sandaime Hokage. And with it, it's inevitable the whole ANBU squad he knew was standing vigil in the office to witness his shame, humiliation... and he just knew they were silently laughing together behind his back. Who knows, maybe Sandaime-sama even instigated it in the first place... he sneezed violently.

Damn.

He jumped on top of a far-off house, ignoring the indignant shout of the owner as he crashed into several potted plants, spilling earth all over the slanted roofs. He cursed softly. Since when did people plant on their rooftops?!

Believe it or not, his shinobi training didn't involve dodging flower pots. Besides, he didn't even realize there were plants-he'd thought that's what the earth is for. Surely he won't be sued for property damage... he's on a damn mission.

Oh yeah. Unmentionables.

He giggled perversely, waving merrily at the red-faced man at the door below him, and skipped again, this time choosing a closer roof. It won't do for him to fall for the same trick twice. Or accident. Anyway, point made.

It was only after scouring the whole Konoha thrice (which took up his lunch time) that he decided to slip outside of the village. There can't be _that_ many hiding places in Konoha, is there?

* * *

"Hokage-sama, I swear if Naru-chan pranks me because _you_ told me to feed him spinach, I'm going to prank _you_ back!" Kakashi accused the older man in front of him, moments after a certain blond haired prankster escaped from the clutches of evil... in the form of grumpy officers and paperweights.

"... Now now, what brings you to say that?"

"I DON'T CARE! GET HIM OFF MY BACK! AND THIS WAS MY FAVORITE JOUNIN VEST!"

"... Kakashi, go see Ibiki. Or better yet, Inoichi. I'll give you a day off after tomorrow-you still have to look after _that_ Genin team. Oh, and Tora-chan got loose again. Do you think you could buy him a cat carrier, and I'll make it C-Rank."

* * *

**A.N : **So, the Ultimatum, and it's longer than the first chapter! I'm working on it. Kakashi is going to prank the Hokage WHEN Naruto pranks him. Honestly, I kick Kakashi around too much... anyway, because exams are just over, there's still a year before I make Naru-chan graduates. Fill me in what you want to see in the span of a year, people! (Unless I want to write a random filler, which sucks for readers but fine by me-something to mess up with :9 ). Anything, everything is welcome. Also, should he be in a canonical team, or something else? What do you think? Type in that nice little box and do me honor by sharing your thoughts!

(1) And, yes, this is the part of the story where Kakashi got the inspiration to say "... toast the cat" on chapter 1. It's, quite simply, a restrained desire. Kakashi prevented his pseudo-Genin from burning Tora before Madam Shijimi got him back, so it was fine, in his brains, to burn Tora _after_ he had been returned to Madam Shijimi. Which won't happen as long as Sandaime Hokage is alive *wink wink. And that particular genin is... lalalaaaa~~


	3. Chapter 3: Crisis Start

**Not Quite Genius **Chapter 3: Crisis Start

**Warning : **Un-beta-ed. Seriously, people, from this chapter forth, I will not put the beta warning. Ever. Again. Unless, a kind soul out there wants to be my beta~~? ;)

**INCREDIBLY LONG A.N. :**

So, since I put up the warning that this AN will be unneededly long (and yes, it's not a word, but I'm past the point of actually caring), first thing first: say hi to holidays! This means I'll return to, what, once-every-two-weeks update I had planned before Exams crushed my lax timetable. Once again, thank you for putting up with my randomness and rubber timekeeping. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH if you still wait up for me ;A; and god bless you if you actually bothered to review after my aforementioned major attitude challenge! Besides, I actually have a problem with commitments, so though I will complete the story nevertheless, I may stray towards other fandoms before, and it takes a big chunk out of my free time… so once again, I am so sorry, but this is the way I am. Screwed all over.

So, some of you mentioned if Naruto will graduate early. Well, yes, to Neji's year, and frankly I am still at loss whether I'm putting him in canonical team arrangements or something else altogether. Now that you've mentioned it, I don't like canon team arrangements, but if it works, it works. And no, Naruto is not the deadlast, **Kitsune-hime92** (I think you'd know by now just _who_ it was) because he's a bit calmer and perceptive, if maybe to the point of a bit sensitive. He was not diligent, but he didn't slack off too much (like someone we know so well), and so far he managed a barely above standard grades—which I think will be covered in another chapter… sometime in the future if I actually remember it, hehe.

Besides, since I refused to condemn the Uchihas down to two insane heirs, there is only itty-bitty Sasu-chan right now who idolizes his saintly aniki! Oooh, the possibilities!

* * *

(Excerpt from Hatake Kakashi's d—, EHM, journal)

_Day Two of Babysitting Green Genins_

_I don't know what the &^#$ is wrong with Hokage-sama, but maybe he is too old for Hokage position. _

_And I am alarmed at the frequency that thought passed my mind. It must bore some sort of importance, an omen, if the figurehead of this village…_

Kakashi shuddered.

* * *

"Kakashi-senpai," a cool voice called him and Hatake Kakashi glanced over his Icha-Icha, which as usual was rested against his splayed fingers. Really, why do people seem to gang up on him nowadays? First Hokage-sama, then Tora the infernal cat, the Chuunin guarding the gates, the swans of hell in the lake… his list goes miserably on. The whole world is against him and his precious Icha-Icha.

The yout—I mean, lad in front of him was dressed in a typical Uchiha-ish black top (but was an ANBU issue sleeveless shirt, _strangely enough_), which clashed pleasantly with, yet again, Uchiha-esque pale skin. Which made the swirl on his left arm all the more pronounced. Seriously, the whole lot of them could use some more colors…, which brought Kakashi's mind to a certain blonde prankster. He sniggered quietly.

"Well well, to what do I owe you this pleasure?" Kakashi drawled, sizing up his ex-kouhai… damn, it still stung a bit whenever he sees some nondescript ANBU off for missions. It reminded him of his pitiful job.

But if he could make Naruto prank Itachi… or even the whole Uchiha… that was nearly adequate exchange for ANBU mission. The thrill, the excitement, and the danger rush… Kakashi shuddered. Inwardly. _Maybe I'm a danger-addict_.

"I switched shifts with another team to send Sasuke to the Academy since he's got the best marks in his year."

Sasuke. The itty bitty Sasu-chan. Kakashi leveled Itachi's solemn gaze. "And?"

"He appears to dislike my babying him… I do not understand. He usually wants me to coddle him. Or is it that I read his signals wrong?"

"You think I'd know about that?" Kakashi asked dryly. They are both emotionally stunted men, both robbed of childhood and affections, always pushed to meet expectations and rise above the others. If Itachi doesn't know what is bothering Sasuke, what are the chances Kakashi know of it?

"That was a stupid question," Itachi said softly, turning away from his senpai. "What do you think, Senpai? Should I pick him up later, or just go on my merry way?"

"You're taking this too _merrily_ to my liking," Kakashi remarked, flipping another page nonchalantly. Uchihas don't go on their merry way, as Itachi put it. More like brood their sulky day.

"It's true it doesn't concern you. I just wanted to know what you'd do in my position."

And that was the right answer. Too similar for their own good. If it was anyone else, they'd have laughed at the mere idea of Itachi confused over his otouto's actions. The general _civilian_ population of Konoha saw Itachi as the man who was forever in control of anything in and around himself. Sadly, said man was barely thirteen years old and his life was already mapped out down to the tiniest gravel of achievement from birth.

"Did he specifically told you not to pick him up?"

The Uchiha pondered for a moment. "No, not really. Just to stop treating him like a child."

Troublesome Uchihas.

"Then stop treating him like a child," Kakashi admonished. "There. Problem solved."

Kakashi had the most satisfactory feeling that Itachi was resisting the urge to facepalm. The tiniest sliver of Uchiha self-control was holding the prodigy back from expressing his distress.

"How do I stop treating him like child yet at the same time coddle him?" Itachi asked, not intentionally sounding a bit sarcastic.

Kakashi bristled a bit, but gave his kouhai an eye-smile nonetheless. "How do _I_ know that? I hope you're not asking another stupid question, Itachi-kun. I fear the ANBU might be too much for your delicate nerves."

Kakashi could just _see_ Itachi stirring with annoyance, a subtle shift of his carefully composed Uchiha mask. Oh, how he had missed messing up the young Uchiha progeny… Kakashi promised himself to return to his old habit of messing up with younger ANBUs, if only for the sake of his sanity. After all, the _Hokage_ played on him as stress reliever. Why shouldn't he use Itachi?

"Now, Itachi-kun, I have three _lovely_ little Genins waiting my _wise_ and _insightful_ instructions in the training ground after I'm done grinding them to dust. Why don't you come with me for a while and give me a hand? You could catch one or two inspirations from them—after all, Sasu-chan is already a shinobi wannabe." _And sadly, he'd have to shed his holy big brother illusion to become real ninja._

The younger man sighed—a rare display of weakness—before nodding reluctantly. Kakashi skipped merrily along the way, not missing a beat as he narrowly avoided a civilian merchant's wagon containing cages of rattling, mewling, and hissing masses of all kinds of pets. Itachi eyed the wagon suspiciously before decidedly ignored it in favor of keeping track of Kakashi's wayward maneuver around Konoha's main street.

After an encounter with an unfortunate group of Genins handling Catch-Tora-the-Cat-of-Death mission (which involves Itachi belatedly using a small Katon jutsu and an array of his specialty—Uchiha wire tricks) they finally arrived at the designated training ground.

Three heaps, barely identifiable as children of thirteen years old, lay slumped on the grasses. It was quite a sight when one doesn't have a nose, but as it is Itachi simply pinched his nose and used a small trick he'd learned in one of his… unfortunate… mission involving a dung dumping site.

Carefully controlling small tendrils of his chakra, he arranged the _air_ to shift, replacing the stink from the Genins with fresh air of the woods around them. Not quite a Fuuton, of course, more like swishing his hand in front of his nose. Except that Itachi was above using such an offending gesture of discomfort, and it made him feel good to know he had a good chakra control. Belatedly he removed his hand from his nose, after he felt two glares drilling metaphorical holes in his head.

"One-Eyed-Sensei!" The girl of the team, a brunette with no defining features (Itachi once again realizing that he was thinking something offensive unconsciously), shrieked once she caught sight of the two of them. "_What_ did you place in our route today, and _where_ the hell have you been!" She demanded furiously.

Kakashi eye-smiled at Itachi. "My sweet little Genins, meet Itachi Uchiha. Itachi, meet my cute little Genins. Day two and they can't stand two hours without my presence…"

"Whatever shall I do without you?" One of the boys asked sarcastically. The girl, just now noticing the famous Uchiha Itachi, blushed scarlet, hastily rearranging her hair. Itachi realized with a start that _all_ girls seemed to do that around him, barring certain individuals whom Itachi thought is on another level altogether. It certainly doesn't need to be said that an ex-apprentice of a certain Sannin is a member of that exclusive group.

"Hello," Itachi greeted neutrally, observing Kakashi's charge.

They all had the typical halfway shinobi-build, with what their training but no real missions and more extensive training reserved for higher up the ladder. The girl was probably from a civilian family, one of the boys was a Yamanaka (with signature platinum blond hair and curious eyes—the whole family seems to all go down the line of information-gathering), and the last boy was one of his further cousins—who scowled faintly when Itachi's eyes met his.

"Why hello, cousin," the Uchiha of the team returned without missing a beat, though a faint flush dusted his slightly tanner than usual Uchiha-esque skin when Itachi didn't raise to the bait. Seriously, this boy had some problem with _him_?

Still, Itachi hadn't expected one of his family to be under Kakashi's charge, as it was widely known Kakashi was not viewed in good light generally—at least not until he got himself a fearsome reputation, which started a few years back during his ANBU years. Uchiha sure know how to hold grudges.

"Itachi here is going to help me train you all, and especially you, Rie-kun!" Kakashi chirped happily, flipping a page on his Icha-Icha. "I'm sure there are some Sharingan secrets I'm not privy to"—Itachi held back the urge to snort—"so you two can go share or whatever."

"I haven't unlocked the Sharingan, though!" Uchiha Riesu—_now_ Itachi remembered him, the sulky boy from the Academy… though he was his classmate for a whole year only, before Itachi got accelerated above his year. "What could _he_ share with me? I'm probably no-good for him anyway," the boy (and should Itachi be dismayed he felt older than Riesu, really… they're supposed to be from the same year batch….) grumbled in a most… plebian… manner.

"I don't want to intrude," Itachi intoned softly, eyes hawk-like trained on the other Uchiha. "See you around, senpai, Riesu-san." He inwardly rejoiced when he didn't say "Uchiha-san" like he originally was going to, thanks to his refined finesse reflex… Kami that sounded weird.

"You do that," Riesu murmured sullenly under his breath, which neither Kakashi nor Itachi missed. Itachi sighed and Shunshin'ed shortly to Uchiha compound.

Before Itachi was quite out of Shunshin-shot (meaning his body was still in a limbo somewhere along the way between the training grounds and Uchiha compound, not quite _here_ nor _there_, and not in the streets between either), Riesu harrumphed in a very un-Uchiha-esque manner.

* * *

Uchiha Itachi, prodigy extraordinaire, was feeling incredibly unlucky.

Generally he was a no-nonsense type of person (who is usually evaded altogether by the Goddess of Luck), and a bit queasiness in his stomach was nothing he couldn't handle, compared to the relative horrors of shinobi life he'd been exposed to. But somehow, he couldn't shake the acid curdling his stomach, and he resolutely devoted his attention the whole morning to his self-appointed training regime.

"Itachi, you're hurting your fingers."

"I'm fine, but thank you, Kaa-san."

"Itachi, your _painted_ nails are clipped. Are you sure you're not overworking yourself?"

"No, Kaa-san, really, _my nails are fine_." Itachi very nearly snapped, uncurling said nails from around the handle of the kunai he used to weigh a wad of shinobi too-light wire (one he bought during his monthly daze routine when he couldn't quite control his impulses to buy something new and _shiny_). Really, women and weird vanity…. Or rather, Uchiha women and weird vanity.

"But Itachi, your palms are bleeding," Mikoto Uchiha insisted with an expression Itachi knew all too well but had never been directed at him. Mikoto was in mother-hen mode.

Itachi sighed (something he felt like doing too much lately). "If you say so, Kaa-san," he dropped his holster in a blatant display of irritation, the steel clattering against each other when it landed with a satisfying _thump_. He walked over with as much dignity as he could muster in his steps and sat down next to his mother, for the first time really noticing the peels on his dark purple nail paint, courtesy of Ibiki's apprentice.

Mikoto wordlessly took his abused-fingered hand and ran her palm over the forcefully torn surface. A cool blue glow enveloped his fingers as Mikoto's healing chakra did its work. She flipped his hand and did the same over his bruised and battered palm.

"There, good as new," she beamed at him.

Itachi smiled weakly. "Yes, thank you, Kaa-san," he put as much gratitude as he could into his voice. "… Kaa-san, are you okay?" He cautiously eyed his mother.

Mikoto hummed noncommittally. "Ah ah," she smiled at him, the soft smile she used to give him when he was not much but a little boy… when was the last time they spend time together again? "I'm fine, Itachi. Why wouldn't I be?" Her smile grew wider and Itachi felt anxiousness bubbling in his stomach. He pushed the feeling down, offering his mother a small, hesitant smile.

"If you say so," he got up and shamelessly picked his jumbled holster up, attaching it to his thigh after making sure none of the pointy objects are in direct vicinity of his flesh. "… See you later, Kaa-san."

"Ah, and, Itachi," his mother called after him, "do come home early today. It has been long since we can dinner as a family."

The _there is something we need to talk to you about_ was not said but received nonetheless.

Itachi nodded absently before he spun on the spot, Shunshin-ing towards the ANBU headquarters.

He materialized right when someone crashed open the front door, slamming the solid steel-and-ironwood plank into his nose.

"Look where you land!" The masked figure snapped sharply, while Itachi was nursing both his not-quite-broken-yet nose and his shredded pride. The ANBU was random bird-masked officer, not one of the standoffish ones—like him. "Che, what good your cursed eyes are for if you don't use them?"

Shell-shocked, Itachi watched as the ANBU took to the roofs, not once looking back at him. It was disturbing how the ANBU dismissed him. Generally all of Konoha's elite forces recognized him; if not for his distinctively Uchiha features, then his striking dark grey non-Sharingan eyes (which neither of his parents possessed), if not _then_ his blood red eyes with three tomoes which are said to sign a warrant of death… not likely.

Few people knew it, but Itachi disliked killing anyone even remotely resembling human. Unfortunately, his fame as the prodigal Uchiha scion kind of put a warrant that he is a tool of war, and thus killing people left, right and center... for Kami's sake, rather than killing people he'd prefer spending time in a quaint roadside café. And don't say it's not a comparison, because frankly he could do just as well in espionage missions where he doesn't have to touch one hair on the other side of the spectrum.

He sighed… again… as he resigned to wearing his ANBU-issue porcelain mask. He was a weasel; an animal said of great cunning, but still… every time he put it back on, he remembered his cousin Shisui's crack about it.

"_Hahaha! You're a _weasel_! Not a wolf or a hawk or panther… a _weasel_!"_

_Itachi's eyebrow twitched. "I don't see any problem with it."_

_The curly-haired Uchiha wiped the tears of mirth pooled in the corner of his eyes. "There is a very big problem here, genius," Shisui said patronizingly, "you, _the_Uchiha Itachi, is the prodigy of our generation, candidate for Godaime Hokage… with a weasel face."_

"_It's just a mask," Itachi protested needlessly, his hackles raised as usual around the Shunshin expert._

"_Don't mind me, then," Shisui said between breathless un-Uchiha-ish giggles. "I'm just going to tell Tekka that his dearest cousin finally got an ANBU mask!"_

_Belatedly, Itachi realized Shisui was _not_planning to make his day easier. Tekka was a cousin four years above him, and yet he was still a Chuunin in the Uchiha Police Force. It rankled every Uchiha older than him to have a lower rank, but it specially irritated Tekka as he was a stepping stone for Itachi in the Chuunin exams, where their teams fought and suffice to say it was the start of a beautiful, beautiful friendship between _Shisui_and Tekka. And _he_was supposed to be the favorite cousin!_

"Itachi-kun!" A voice welcomed him in the lounge. "Welcome back! Your patrol duty is only five minutes ago… now what are your excuses?"

Itachi narrowly dodged a barrage of shuriken launched from around the room, only to realize that they are anchoring an array of light shinobi wire—the lightest he had seen, without the common reflective sheen of metal. A special ANBU wire, then.

"I thought I had exchanged my team with Genma-san!" Itachi exclaimed as he watched, alarmed, when fire started licking along the wire. "I swear!"

There was a faint whoosh when the wire retracted, the fire dissipated, and finally a figure skidded in front of him. The woman was maskless, face pale and dark eyes haunted.

"Then _who the hell is responsible for the patrol now?!_"

* * *

Ta-da. A cliffy. I'm sure you're all very very mad at me right now—two, three months, and a cliffy? I knew I'd be. But you have to endure it. NYAHAHAHAHAAAA! Just kidding. Not really, but I swear, it's for a good reason *winkwink. This little twist my bunny supplied me with surprises even myself! Now, why don't you all click that pretty little button down there...


	4. Chapter 4: Jungle Encounter

**A.N.:** As promised, I'm progressing with my newfound plot (… ehehe) so I'll try super hard to remember, for once, _where_ my story is going right now. I had a selective amnesia going inside my head that makes things fly in different speed to the far corners of my mind, so this will hopefully keep myself grounded.

Once again, thank you everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, followed, and mostly reviewed my story XD Seriously though, I appreciate your following and favoriting, but those two don't give feedbacks. I need feedbacks! Feedback! Feedback!

… Ehm. Onwards with the story.

Oh, yes. **Warning: **A little bloody situation, and not the swearing word. I'm not British, you know. Wanker.

And, then. I decided to put up a disclaimer every now and then to remind myself not to abuse the characters too much. I have to return them to Kishimoto with no mortal injury, after all. So there.

* * *

**Not Quite Genius **Chapter 4: Jungle Encounter

**Hi no Kuni Forest, 1 km from Konoha**

"Team, evaluate all equipment."

"Taichou, no offense, but we're only carrying standard shinobi gears…"

"I say, we reassemble the wires. They're tangled all over last time I see it."

"_You_ didn't see the shop! It was _ruined_!"

"SILENCE!," the tallest, burliest man in the group of three snapped. "Your yapping can wake the dead Hokages! Now, put down your satchels and do as I say. Arriving earlier will complicate our objective!"

"Not like the chit can hinder us," one of his two unruly subordinates, a man with a rather out-of-place pale, sallow skin muttered, but jumped down to ground level anyway, not daring to test his leader's patience. "She's eight, for Raikage's sake!"

"Don't swear with Raikage-sama's name!" His other teammate rebuked harshly. "What would you do if some tree-huggers heard you?"

"Hmmm… _Silence_ them on the spot, wouldn't you say, Taichou?" The pale man replied flippantly, rummaging through his standard dark brown satchel.

"You blundering idiot!" The leader growled a feral, fanged sneer, causing small forest critters to jump out of their hiding spots and run the hell away. "Dead men tell no stories, but their bodies tell another facts altogether! Get your wits about you—from now on, we are on our own. If we fail, Raikage-sama would not seek revenge for our forfeited lives."

The pale shinobi spluttered at that. "That can't be! I'm the last of my—"

Rustles.

"I have little doubt if our enemies care if you're the last of the royalty line—quite delighted, in fact," the leader ploughed on mercilessly nonetheless. "Your mangled body will be the masterpiece in their hallways."

Rustles.

"_Mangled_ body… that is a bit too much, don't you think?" A small voice startled the trio of Kumo's suicide squad—for that is what they are. None of them expected they would all come back to Kumo with all body parts intact. "His pale skin does make a fine contrast to blood red, though. Reckon he'd mind if I… tested… it a bit?"

The three instantly whipped out a kunai, a show of shinobi reflexes at its finest, though rather lacking in the common sense department. But they still pass the—admittedly quite low— minimum sanity requirement to function after bloodshed.

Wide, innocent azure eyes stared curiously at the trio.

"It's just a kid!" The pale man cried in dismay. The leader, however, took a closer look at the small, blond-haired, blue-eyed little boy in front of them with criticizing, appraising eyes.

"He's Academy age! We can't have witnesses!" The last, the sanest of the trio slid a few shuriken from his fingertips, launching them with smooth, well-practiced motion. The throwing metal stars clipped the blonde boy's cheek, drawing a line of blood against his golden tan. The streaks of blood marred the strange whisker-like marks on his cheeks, accentuating his rather feral look… especially when the boy had leaves and dirt all over him.

"That's totally uncalled for!" The boy exclaimed, pulling the shuriken maiming his shirt to a tree and mercilessly threw it with wild swinging motion.

A wet squelch was heard when the sharp metal made contact with softly muscled arm, the tan shirt over it blooming with red.

"Hey!" The pale man shrieked. "The kid hurt me!"

His two teammates (or rather, suicide-mates) looked at him with 'are-you-mental' sort of gaze.

"You started it!" Naruto (though the Kumo suicide-to-be didn't know that) exclaimed, rubbing his bleeding cheek. "Serves you right, bullies!"

"WHAT! I'm not a bully!" The injured shinobi denied rather vehemently. "Sui could be, though. He's really mean to me."

"WHAT? IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE ALWAYS ACTING LIKE A BLOODY PONCE! ACT YOUR GENDER FOR ONCE!"

"PONCE? YOU CALL ME A PONCE, YOU-YOU-YOU PRINCE OF PONCES! WAIT UNTIL YOUR FIANCE'S HEARD OF THIS—SHE'LL PUMMEL YOU, YOU—"

"Ehm. Hello? Company present?"

"The kid's right. You two act like children in school playground."… If children in school playgrounds maim each other with blunt chopsticks, that is. However, the leader felt prudent that the kid, as he so called the blonde boy, will not—or rather, could not—rat them out. After all, who would believe the babbling of an eight-year-old-pranking-boy? Not the Hokage, surely, and neither will the ANBU guards. They had no desire to face off against a cell of the famous Konoha teamwork, combined with lethal ANBU specialized training. But mostly the ANBU training.

"You heard him!" Naruto exclaimed happily. "By the way, old guy, can you give me some gauze? Your friend nicked me real hard."

The corner of the leader's eye twitched, the tanned, sun-worn skin crinkled in a frown. "Let me fix you up in a jiffy, kid. You two, keep watch and sort the equipment."

Naruto picked on the slashed edge of his torn skin, watching as his fingernails bloomed red with his blood. "Thanks a lot, old guy. By the way, what's your name anyway? I've never seen you around."

The leader stiffened almost imperceptibly. Almost.

"… You can call him Sui," the leader pointed at the last member of his team. "And that pale one you hit… Teru. And me… call me Ein. We just came… retrieving foreign dignitaries, you understand, _those_ kind of missions." The leader lied through clenched teeth, because he was ripping the gauze with them. It was not a lie, per se. Just leaving a few things out. After all, the Hyuuga heiress will someday, inevitably, become one of the village dignitaries. And if the kid assumed they just came back after long-term escort mission, well, nobody gave him any ideas, did they?

He cleaned it the wound with a drop of alcohol, noting absently that the child did not even flinch at what must be quite a sting to his face. He shrugged it off and proceeded to cover the wound with a strip of gauze.

"There, all done. Go back home, kid—don't make your parents worry too much. You shouldn't be wondering around." Especially when they are on their way back with the Hyuuga heiress.

Something decidedly odd glinted in the boy's frighteningly blue eyes.

"'Kay!" Naruto chirped after a rather awkward lengthy pause. "Let's go together, Ein-oji-chan! 'Sides, I've proof that my hypothetical trap worked perfectly!"

"… Trap? What trap?" Codename Ein asked in trepidation. Had they doomed their own mission?

"Nothing big, really," the boy grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head like a nervous tick. "Just, you might found some metal balls on your back right now, but no worries, though! They can easily come off if you will just come with me and get the right… unsticking… solution in my house. I'm sure I had it stashed somewhere… if the people didn't ransack me, that is."

Codename Sui tentatively reached to pat his back—and there, sticking to his burnt orange-turned-green Jounin vest were small, thorny metal balls.

Which now stuck to his fingers and palm.

"I suppose warning you to not touch it would be pointless now," the boy smiled lopsidedly.

"Just get us to your house, kid," Ein sighed tiredly. "… And be quick about it…. We still have to report back." To Raikage-sama.

"Oh!" The boy beamed jovially at him, which immediately instilled a profound sense of dread out of nowhere in the three shinobi. "I can accompany you to the Hokage Tower, you know! I know many shortcuts around these parts of the forest! Besides, it's been a while since I've seen Oji-chan!"

"… Oji-chan?" Teru asked, quickly shoving back all the equipment into his satchel.

"Oh, I forgot again," the boy grimaced. "I mean, Hokage-sama."

… Now they all know just _where_ that sense of dread came from.

* * *

A.N.: I'm zowwyyy this is on the short side… but it's a good place to stop, because I just want to introduce the stupid trio! A bit more and I would've delayed the update, and I owe it to you guys to actually let you know I AM NOT PUTTING THIS ON HIATUS. It's just, I had a plot bunny which birthed my other story Streamline, so there. And my schoolwork… let's just not touch _that_ topic yet….


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